We don’t have to “deal”

Today, I went to a sex store I’ve been to before. There was one car in the parking lot about 10 minutes after the store opened. I assumed it was the employee. I walked in and saw her sweeping. I continued into the back portion of the store and for the next 15 minutes until I left, she hung over my shoulder. This woman was white and I am not. 

For the first time, in a long time, I felt that I was being racially targeted. Most of my friends and lovers have been white. As a result, I haven’t had to deal with or be exposed to racism. I am very grateful that I’ve had very few racist experiences. 

When someone is covertly racist, I feel uncomfortable, bothered, like something is “off.” Later I realize what was occurring. This reminds me that using my voice is very important. I need to advocate and defend myself. If something feels weird, if someone is making me uncomfortable, I don’t just have to deal. No one should have to. 

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