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5/3/18: Hidden Pain

What if my writing is only fueled by pain, depression, and fear? As I get better at dealing with my depression, I may lose the red eye who cast everything in such a terrific color. Why am I worried about this? I didn’t write a poem yesterday. I can’t write one right now. I must be overreacting. Look, see, I’m writing at this moment. Oh listen, there’s insecurity knocking!

 

4 Reasons Why to Go to Work

  1. Future me will have less work
  2. I’ll distract myself from this mental masturbation

 

I’m not proud of what I do. I want to tell people I’m a writer and let that be the dialogue that is “Andrea.” Gosh, things were so good and how they’ve somehow changed. Am I just making up reasons to be sad? Am I being dramatic?

 

Okay, game plan-hip hop music, get dressed, pack lunch, get outside before I change my mind.

 

 

Depressed? Please Seek Help

I have depression and sometimes anxiety. This is something I’ve struggled with since childhood and has carried over into adulthood. My depression cannot be controlled, covered up, or rationed away. For me, that’s the worst thing I could try to do. Before I sought help, I tried to strong-arm my depression and failed.

Seeking help has allowed me to learn things about what my thoughts are doing and more importantly where they came from. I also learned that I am not alone and I need others to overcome it. Hiding it from the people we care about only isolates us more in our mind. I was thankful to have a few people I could talk about my feelings to but there were somethings I couldn’t talk about and that was because of my depression. It can make you think that no one cares or that no one can help you and that’s not true.

If you have any depressive or anxious thoughts, or thoughts that feel out of control, please see a professional today.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call the NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE at 1-800-273-8255.