No, don’t do that. I don’t want that. What if something goes wrong. I might be disappointed. I might disappoint someone else.
They’re lying to me. They didn’t do this, so they must not love me. If I don’t do this, I’m worthless. Don’t do this, because if I fail, I’ll be proving everyone right. No one cares about what I have to say. No one loves me.
This not you. This is not me. Listen to what depression says to you, so you can be in control.
What makes a thought “negative” is that is happens unconsciously.
Thoughts are not negative or positive. We make them so.
What if my writing is only fueled by pain, depression, and fear? As I get better at dealing with my depression, I may lose the red eye who cast everything in such a terrific color. Why am I worried about this? I didn’t write a poem yesterday. I can’t write one right now. I must be overreacting. Look, see, I’m writing at this moment. Oh listen, there’s insecurity knocking!
4 Reasons Why to Go to Work
- Future me will have less work
- I’ll distract myself from this mental masturbation
I’m not proud of what I do. I want to tell people I’m a writer and let that be the dialogue that is “Andrea.” Gosh, things were so good and how they’ve somehow changed. Am I just making up reasons to be sad? Am I being dramatic?
Okay, game plan-hip hop music, get dressed, pack lunch, get outside before I change my mind.
I have depression and sometimes anxiety. This is something I’ve struggled with since childhood and has carried over into adulthood. My depression cannot be controlled, covered up, or rationed away. For me, that’s the worst thing I could try to do. Before I sought help, I tried to strong-arm my depression and failed.
Seeking help has allowed me to learn things about what my thoughts are doing and more importantly where they came from. I also learned that I am not alone and I need others to overcome it. Hiding it from the people we care about only isolates us more in our mind. I was thankful to have a few people I could talk about my feelings to but there were somethings I couldn’t talk about and that was because of my depression. It can make you think that no one cares or that no one can help you and that’s not true.
If you have any depressive or anxious thoughts, or thoughts that feel out of control, please see a professional today.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call the NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE at 1-800-273-8255.
hot and cold
chill and wavy
smiles come easier
so do tears
so does a wet wet and
wanting to hump the seat your ass is on
I keep telling myself I want to drink less
I keep pouring myself one more
it’s hard to cry when you don’t have a good excuse
life is a good excuse
alcohol is a better one
I don’t let it get out of hand
I have bills to pay and a responsible life to live
letting loose makes the ride a bit more exciting
compared to the drone of the nine-to-five
bumper-to-bumper sucky-fucky of the week
you know its true
so what if you get blackout drunk?
that’s what Gatorade and carbs are for
god, just feel it for once
let the water take you under and
feel the pulsing heart of the universe
I’ve felt it, its scary as fuck until you realize
the banging at the door is in your chest
it’s about you
look at yourself
who are you?
at the very least, you’re a beating heart
that’s a goddamn blessing
hug yourself and get drunk in the wave