An excerpt from “Moving Away From Comparison to Personal Development.”
Excerpt from “Poem: Friday Night.”
When we say we’re so “busy”, what are we really saying? Do we have a full schedule? Do we have a lot of physical tasks? Do we have a lot of mental tasks?
“Busy” is such an over-used term. When your friend asks you how you’re doing, besides “fine”, it’s probably “busy.” But where does the conversation go from there? A long rant on whats going wrong, who said what, who did what, or whatever plights you feel you’ve suffered. We’re dumping that on someone else and we’re inviting someone else to dump on us too.
Let’s say what we mean. Instead of saying we’re “busy,” let’s think critically about how we’re actually doing.
What interesting thing has happened?
What interesting thing will happen?
What are your goals?
What experiences have you had?
What activity are you doing that’s adding value to your life?
These are the types of topics we need to discuss when prompted with “how are you doing” or “what’s up?” You know what happens next? The questioner is encouraged to share as well. Now you’re really talking to each other instead of talking at each other. You’re having a meaningful conversation with another human being and instead of feeling pessimistic, you feel connected. If the questioner, isn’t as forthcoming. Ask them one of the questions above and maybe they’ll open up.
Let’s remember the definition of “busy”, as per Merriam-Webster:
a : engaged in action : occupied
b : being in use
2 : full of activity
3 : foolishly or intrusively active : meddling
4 : full of distracting detail
Definition 1 a
This really shouldn’t apply unless you are actually completing an activity. Instead of saying “busy”, just say what you’re doing. Example: “I’m making dinner right now.”
Definition 1 b and 2
This is used to describe objects. Not people. Example: “The telephone is busy.” or “The printer is busy.”
I hope this isn’t you but we’ve all been that micro-manager who needs to be “involved” in every aspect of something. This probably isn’t want you mean when you say you’re “busy.”
Unless you’re an overwhelming painting or disco paints, this will not apply either.
Now that you’ve read this, you’ll start realizing how much you say “busy.” I still say it so much even though its much less than I used to. It helps to think about the person you’re talking to. They’re asking me how I’m doing because they care. Let me acknowledge that care by being transparent and engaging. Let me accept that care by giving them an opportunity to acknowledge me.
Let’s avoid the one-word answers and have meaningful conversations.
Thank you to everyone who’s visited my blog and read my work. It really means a lot knowing that my work appeals to someone else, even if its only one person.
Yesterday someone reached out to me and told me this blog inspired them to start journalling again and that made my day.
I started this blog because I was going through an intense transition in entire life and felt like I had no one to listen. Now, this blog is a home for my creative writing and a safe space to discuss things like mental health, personal development, self-care, and life in general.
I would make this blog even if no one read it, but hearing how my words helped someone or inspired someone encourages me to keep going and doing this.
If you have found anything on this blog helpful, inspiring, or simply enjoyable, please leave a comment, fill out the contact form, or message me directly. It not only helps me but will start a dialogue with the others who read this blog as well.
I don’t want this to just be me talking at you. Writing and life are meant to be discussed and I hope I’ve created a safe space to do that.
If there is something that I can do to facilitate comments, please let me know.
I had a nightmare last night about a cat that I saw in my backyard and also wrote a poem about yesterday. They weren’t the same cat. The real one was red. The dream one was a bobcat. Still this is no coincidence.
One of my succulents didn’t bloom this year and I keep thinking about what I did wrong. Not about how the fickle weather, being migrated to a new pot with 6 other plants, or its life cycle effect the likelihood of a bloom.
But it was so close I could have just yanked the closed flower bud out of it and spread it butterfly with tweezers.
Alas, it was not meant to be.
I watered it on schedule, even a little less than necessary, to make sure I didn’t rot the roots.
I know nature does it own thing but it hard when you want something so much and you put so much mental energy into it and visualize what it’ll look like when it blooms, and how happy it will make you feel and taking pics and showing literally everyone you know like its your kid.
It is. They all are. Including the aloe in the kitchen. They are all the life I have in my apartment besides me. They are my best friends and they always have my back.
It isn’t about them. It’s about me.