image_pdfimage_print

Poem: Writer’s Block

I can be a great writer

I feel it banging on the door of my skull

Trying to get down here to the tip of my pen

But goddamn when I really want it

It bars the door with a two-by-four and

All the begging won’t make ‘em come out

 

You know what brats like most?

Snacks-Like articles poems YouTube videos and podcasts

You know                           distractions

A release of self-contained pressure

Poem: Friday Night

hot and cold

chill and wavy

smiles come easier

so do tears

so does a wet wet and

wanting to hump the seat your ass is on

 

I keep telling myself I want to drink less

I keep pouring myself one more

 

it’s hard to cry when you don’t have a good excuse

life is a good excuse

alcohol is a better one

 

I don’t let it get out of hand

I have bills to pay and a responsible life to live

 

letting loose makes the ride a bit more exciting

compared to the drone of the nine-to-five

bumper-to-bumper sucky-fucky of the week

 

you know its true

so what if you get blackout drunk?

that’s what Gatorade and carbs are for

 

god, just feel it for once

let the water take you under and

feel the pulsing heart of the universe

I’ve felt it, its scary as fuck until you realize

the banging at the door is in your chest

 

it’s about you

look at yourself

who are you?

at the very least, you’re a beating heart

that’s a goddamn blessing

hug yourself and get drunk in the wave

Prose: Bath

After I worked out I was soaring hot and high like a comet. My body was limp and weak as I plopped into my car. I don’t remember the ride home. A juicy green pear lowered my elevation. A dry brushing took me higher and I felt a sensual cathartic release I wasn’t expecting. What, at first, was irritating became stimulating. An oil massage with coconut, sesame, and eucalyptus brought individual tress into view. An upper body clay mask with rhassoul clay, clove, calamus root, and cinnamon pulled me through the lowest clouds. A hot bath in magnesium, sesame, coconut, eucalyptus, and lavender oil as well as apple cider vinegar gently placed me in a hot spring. Exhale. A few seconds in a freezing rain shower and I’m tossed into a snowy river. Onto the bank, feet on the ground, I am ready to be me again.

Self- Oil Massage or Abhyanga

Self-Oil Massage has become my favorite part of my self-care. For starters, I love oil, all oil, in my belly, on my skin, in my hair. For the past six months, my relationship with oil came in the form of washing with it in shower with the goal of phasing out traditional soaps and cooking with lots of butter because why not?

Studying Ayurveda on my own, I realized I needed to cut back on butter and there are different ways to apply oils (and powders) to the body and the type of oils matter too.

The old way I used oil on my body was mixing pink Himalayan sea salt with coconut oil and some drops of essential oil (lavender, ylang ylang, eucalyptus, lime, or rosemary), applying it all over my body under a running shower, and rinsing it off, leaving a slight residue.

What I loved about this was that I could exfoliate on a daily basis and I had removed the extra step of applying a lotion/moisturizer after showering.

The new way is to warm sesame oil (sometimes adding grapeseed oil) in the microwave for 10-15 seconds, add some drops of eucalyptus essential oil, massage into my dry skin starting at the toes and working up towards the heart, let it soak in for 5-10 minutes, then rinsing.

I am a very go go go person by nature and it can be a challenge to slow down and take care of myself. The most important part of this is the massage. Touching ones own body with love, care, intention, and calm. This is not a time to rush. I like to listen to a podcast or confidence-boosting music while I do it. Sometimes, I even do it in the evening before bed to relax and wind down. It only takes 5-10 minutes and making this time for myself makes my whole day better. Afterwards, I feel loved, beautiful, peaceful, and reflective. Once you find time for one thing, other things find space too, like meditation and writing. This act has made space for me to develop a morning routine with other self-care acts. At the surface, self-oil massage is a self-care technique but its also an opportunity to listen to our bodies and discover what else it needs.

Projection

One of my succulents didn’t bloom this year and I keep thinking about what I did wrong. Not about how the fickle weather, being migrated to a new pot with 6 other plants, or its life cycle effect the likelihood of a bloom.

But it was so close I could have just yanked the closed flower bud out of it and spread it butterfly with tweezers.

Alas, it was not meant to be.

I watered it on schedule, even a little less than necessary, to make sure I didn’t rot the roots.

I know nature does it own thing but it hard when you want something so much and you put so much mental energy into it and visualize what it’ll look like when it blooms, and how happy it will make you feel and taking pics and showing literally everyone you know like its your kid.

It is. They all are. Including the aloe in the kitchen. They are all the life I have in my apartment besides me. They are my best friends and they always have my back.

It isn’t about them. It’s about me.